Thursday, September 20, 2007

What's the Difference Between the Associated Press .... and a Durdy Runny Butth*le?

Ten points if you answered: 'trick question' (that's right, there is no difference).


I'm loathe to link to my local paper, articles disappear faster than a Tofflerian minute. Pointless really. But I actually couldn't find a better link to the AP's latest perfumery. So it remains.


Rice arrives in Mideast as Israel targets Gaza
By Anne Gearan, Associated Press

We'll start with the title of their fresh, fragrant offal [yeah, the banner could be from the clowns at the Daily News? Without any help from wire or news services (I use that term loosely)].

Israel targets Gaza

I read the article three or four times, parsed most every word. But there's Very Little mention of military action. Israel targets Gaza .... hmmm. Hyperbole. Literary license. Oh that's right, it's the AP (I keep forgetting). Now Gearan targets truth .... I could hang with that.


JERUSALEM - Israel declared the Palestinian-controlled Gaza Strip an "enemy entity" on Wednesday and said it would cut utilities to the territory. The move complicates a U.S. plan to relaunch peace talks aimed at establishing a separate Palestinian state in Gaza and the West Bank.

Complicates a plan to relaunch peace talks?

No we wouldn't want to do anything to complicate their rocket launches ... now would we, Anne (I can call you Anne can't I? Before this screed posts, I hope to call you lots more).

peace talks aimed at establishing a separate Palestinian state in Gaza

Put down the crack pipe Anne. Israel gave Gaza to the Pale's, now what .... years ago. It is their's (repeating the word their's might seem pointless. And .... likely it is. So shoot, I won't).

The West Bank?

One Hamastan is enough. Two? I suppose if we were debuting a new reality TV show called: Let's Get REAL Stupid. Then you might have an episode to air dear Anne [and yeah, I once believed in the 'peace process', even an independent Palestine in Gaza (I do feel much better now though, Thank You very much)].


Israel made the provocative decision

Gottz yur panties in a bunch there Anne. Poor thing. Provocative. Ooogy boogie! Booh!


Rice neither endorsed nor criticized Israel's move.

That b*tch.


The decision is likely to reinforce perceptions among Palestinians and their Arab backers

Projecting a little there girl .... likely. Even doing their thinking/talking for them (nice trick). Can't wait for real actual commentary, so ... what do you do? Inject your own under pretense. Short of every man, woman, and child in Israel, marching into the sea. Islamic perceptions won't change in my lifetime. Period. Perceptions .... ooh Anne, you are a sensitive sort. Are you sure this was intended for a NEWS article? [Oops, sorry, keep forgetting (the type of rancid butter being slathered)]. And a gosh, a golly and a gee Anne, I wonder how they get these perceptions.

Beuller .... Beuller.


that Israel will do as it sees fit regardless of the cost to civilians and that the U.S. will not block Israel.

Israel will do as it sees fit.

Yes Anne, I already understand. Uh huh, you support the part about every man woman and child (in Israel) marching into the sea. But short of that, (please) let the rockets keep flying. Uh huh, right, got that part too. What's that you say Anne .... if they just lined up on the border in a single line? With blindfolds on ... would be easier and faster? Now you're not making any sense Anne. Are you sure you're even in the Middle East? Everyone knows there's a bullet shortage in Gaza girl (sheesh).


regardless of the cost to civilians

I didn't vote for Hamas in the Pale elections. THE PALESTINIANS DID. They wanted blood swilling insects as their leaders. They got em. Civilians .... Anne, how long you been out of high school journalism. Your depth gauge is stuck on less than shallow. Civilians. A gun thugocracy, run by devine murderers. Bent on the destruction of a sovereign nation. What was the standard nazi reply to genocide? We were just doing as we were told.

The Pale's have three choices:

1) They can leave (oh that's right, NONE of their Arab b r o t h e r s want them.
2) Get off their behinds, join the new millenium, toss Hamas out, and build themselves a country.
3) (Which isn't really a choice, but now seems the dedicated Pale/international gestalt) Continue to blame Israel for their predicament.

(Obligatory gee here) I wonder which path they will follow?



The meeting also has little chance of success if Israel is seen as unwilling to make hard concessions to the Palestinians ....


Hard concessions? Anne, only a stoopid idiot still trots that stank out. Maybe you are referring to Madagascar? No Anne, not the cartoon, the country. Oh, O.K., now you're getting it. You say you'll help with the packing of the china and silver? (what a sweetheart).



The U.S.-sponsored conference is meant to invigorate peace efforts that largely lay fallow during Bush's presidency

Bush's fault. Bush's fault. Bush's fault. Bush's fault.
Bush's fault. Bush's fault. Bush's fault. Bush's fault.
Bush's fault. Bush's fault. Bush's fault. Bush's fault.

Repeat until blue in the face, or you pass out. Whichever comes first. You've tried that already Anne? You say it doesn't work. Which .... the blue part, or the passing out. The passing out part? Alright then, maybe try it this time with a plastic bag over your head, and you may have better luck (hey, I'm here for ya babe).


The decision lets Israel cut electricity, water and other services that the impoverished, crowded coastal territory depends on Israel to provide.

Yup, that bombmaking just isn't as profitable as it once was. I suppose they could try like um, I don't know. Manufacturing or agriculture [what's that, the Pale's destroyed those multi-million dollar high-tech greenhouses (within hours), that Israel left behind. And that (drunk) American donors gifted to them]. (see Bush's fault). Crowded? Got me on that one Anne .... why is Gaza so crowded?

I haven't a clue.


Israel has ... also sealed Gaza's borders, halting trade, while permitting little more than humanitarian aid into the area.

They give succor to murderers. And still that isn't enough for you girl.

Bake a cake?

Sure Anne, I'm on it.


Hamas militants who hold de facto control in Gaza have not been directly involved in the rocket attacks

You are ever so precious Anne. Tell me, they actually pay you real money (not Monopoly), for this gem?


Grim-faced, Rice


That b*tch!


The Israeli designation covers all of Gaza, not just Hamas militants who took control in June.

Sniff, sniff. Mean Israelis. Bad Israelis.


International aid groups said it was unacceptable to blame civilians for the actions of rogue militants.

And you know .... rogue militants really aren't so bad once you get to know them.

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