Monday, July 03, 2006

ABC News sold to Al-Jazeera

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New York (CNN) - In an anouncment that shattered the holiday weekend calm of newstypes. Qatar based Al-Jazeera anounced their purchase of ABC News for two point four billion dollars, three camels, two goats, and "a handful of hairy belly dancers." Amir Mooohamid, president of the dominant Arab language news channel said: "At first we offered them some real nice belly dancers ......."

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"But they declined."


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"So we had to scramble to complete the deal. Ultimately they were very happy with the dancers we finally sent over to them, at their New York headquarters. We're going to really miss those goats and camels though." Amir said with a sigh.


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"All staffers who wish to remain with the new network, will be given the opportunity to relocate. Housing will of course be provided to those who choose to do so." Amir added.

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"There won't be too many changes required, especially content." He went on further ..... "the inspiration for the purchase struck me last night while I was watching ABC's Evening News. They had a reporter in Gaza, talking with a Palestinian gentleman. And showing Israel's ongoing tank shelling of limited targets in Gaza. And the reporter said": 'Everyday thousands of rockets land in Gaza.' "I knew we had to have those fifth column trash mongers for our very own. Can you believe that? Telling the viewing audience that kind of utter nonsense. I couldn't. It was stupefying. Talking out of one's ass like that is a skill we greatly cherish here at Al-Jazeera. We didn't wait another minute to fax an offer over."


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"After they accepted, I retired to my tent .....


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And in celebration, I put a little something extra in the ole water pipe, that the New York staffers had graciously Fed-Exed over. Such sweet little brown noses, they'll fit in rather nicely."


Caption Contests


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(Gentleman on right) Is that an Israeli missile I see or is my ass just twitching on its own?


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Quick Samir, run go kill some women and children, and then throw them in the crater. Hurry before the photographers from AP, AFP, and Reuters get here. Those Joos sure play dirty. But we'll show them!


And finally, a warm, glorious, and happy Fourth to all. G*d Bless.

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Elmo.



Dr. Sanity linked with: Sunday, July 09, 2006/CARNIVAL OF THE INSANITIES/18. This was just to be expected, I guess.

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