Friday, December 02, 2005

JAMA reports Wal-Mart female employees three time more likely to have excessive facial hair.

A new study released by JAMA shows that women employees of Wal-Mart, were three time more likely to have excessive facial hair. And two times more likely to be alcoholics. The study also found a high incidence of a rare but untreatable brain tumor.

Additionally, the JAMA concluded that Wal-Mart store managers had been reportedly killing kittens for fun, after store hours. And that company executives were reputed to vigorously juggle puppies when bored. It was the recommendation of the JAMA that Wal-Mart surrender control of the company to a bunch of brain dead hippies and extortionist unions. As well as immediately beginning employee indoctrination in the ways of communist societies.

I'm not sure how this linked AP story exactly differs from the one I read over dinner, in my atomic paper (they appear to be mostly the same, slightly different order). In mine, those spouting the poll results, and/or the union mentioned. Were championing a (non-existent) downturn in Wal-Mart sales.

Let me get this straight ..... you're trying to hurt a company's bottom line. In order to hopefully increase employee benefits? Yeah .... that makes sense doodoo for brains.

In other news, the price of fresh frozen babies increased 2% on the commodities market, due to heavy breakfast consumption by Vice President Dick Cheney.

Outside the Beltway linked with Other Humor: Anechoic Room has the JAMA Wal-Mart report.


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