BANG a GONG!

PRINT FREE OR DIE By Michael Graham

Wow — there's a crazy idea for a "news" paper. Let's use it to print the news!

Well, guys, it's time to get out and push. The threat against free speech from real-life religious zealots has arrived. Filmmakers have been shot. Writers have been stabbed. Cartoonists are forced underground in fear for their lives. Now's your chance to affirm the power of the press and reject the threats of thuggery by printing just one of these cartoons on your front page, with a note explaining that you are supporting the principle, not the message.

But that's not going to happen because the current crop of journalists just don't have the guts. It's easy to write editorials mocking Christians protesting naughty books because you know those Christians won't be blowing up your parking garage. Attacking evangelicals is no big deal. What's the worst they will do — Slip a bootleg Jimmy Swaggart CD under your car windshield?

Our brave, principled journalists are ready to stand and fight against any threat…that doesn't actually exist. But now that speaking out really matters, our "defenders of free speech" suddenly have nothing to say.