A Letter of Explanation

To the Students, Teachers, Parents, and Administrators of Hatboro Horsham High School, throughout the year I travel to various schools ...





talking about my sexual experiences at Mickey D's.




At the same time demeaning ethnicities and special needs students. I understand how some of my remarks didn't offend everyone in attendance, and if you feel that I didn't offend you, then I am deeply sorry.



When I speak at schools, I try to express my views on difficult topics with brilliance and manners. I try to connect with students, especially the hotties. One student even said to me, “you didn’t say anything,” and that was my sole intent.



I do, however, believe it is very important for me to address many of the points made in the media. First and most importantly, it should be made clear that the only persons I called “retarded” were the people in the back who were unable to hear, the special needs children. I have also been portrayed as someone who spewed profanity for a full hour. To set the record straight, I did say five “clean” words during the speech. O.K.



It has also been said that I insulted faculty, when in actuality, all I was doing was watching, the teachers sit up in the balcony and smoke pot. The students roared with laughter, when I asked the teachers if they brought enough for everyone?



Lastly, in the article it quoted me as saying that the greatest lesson those kids learned was the importance of freedom of speech. That's not true. They learned that any major dude like me, can be a demi celebrity. And that most of the time, people will walk ten feet behind my behind, holding a roll of tp.

Please know that any comment I made in my speech was done in an imaginary cone of silence, without an ounce of purpose. While it may be too late for apologies for me, I hope this in some small way can start to make amends with the rest of you. As an individual who finds daily ground in this world, I am hopeful.

Sincerely,

Morgan Spurlock





9:50 a.m.

Me .... paranoid? Nah, you must be joking. Telling me I see a jihadi under every rock, pebble, and stone. Puhleeze.